Friday, June 25, 2010

This message is NOT approved!

What does a parent do when they don't approve of one of their children's friends?

I have never had that problem until now.

I have always had an uneasy feeling when my son talked about this boy. Unfortunately, Raiden thinks this boy is the funniest kid ever. Besides his friend Noah, he says this is his best friend. Other kids at school will tell you that he and Raiden are best friends.

A few months ago I was checking through Raiden's text messages on his phone when I come across one from this boy (whom we will call Jason*). Not unusual. What was unusual was what the message said.

Something along the lines of, " you want to have sex with Kari*"

I was not happy. These are eight and nine year old boys we're talking about.

I was even less happy when I saw Raiden's response:

"you want to have sex with Hope*"

Raiden and I had a talk about that. We discussed how he didn't really even know what sex was and how it was inappropriate for boys his age to be discussing sex and including these young girls in their conversation.

Now I feel that Sean and I are pretty open with our children. I believe in modesty, but I believe that there is nothing shameful about the human body. I believe in answering any questions regarding sex and just life in general in an honest, age appropriate manner.

Okay, so I have allowed Raiden to continue to hang around Jason and he even had him over for his birthday slumber party.

Sean was very unimpressed (I don't think that's a word. oh well!). He felt that Jason acted a little uncouth to be in the house of a friend that he has never been to before. Now don't get me wrong. I know that boys will be boys and I did expect them all to have fun. I suppose I just hope that my son behaves the way I expect him to behave when he stays over at other peoples homes. Not the way Jason behaved that night.

So now to the text message that Jason sent to Raiden at 5:30 this morning. Yes, you read that right.

He first sent a message that said he was camping.

I looked at it, ignored it and put Raiden's phone on the kitchen counter.

A couple minutes later I had walked back into my room and sat on the bed while I waited for Sean to finish getting ready for work. That's when I heard Raiden's phone going off again.

I figured I would just text him back telling him that Raiden was still asleep. I didn't expect to see the message I saw, though.

Once I clicked on it, I saw that it was a forward. No biggie. Then the picture popped up.

I just stared, jaw agape.

There was a va-jay-jay staring me straight in the face.

I know, right?!

It had been edited to sort of look monkey-ish (like a snow monkey IMO --TMI?) and had an attached message that read: "this is what happens to white girls when they have sex with black boys."

I was floored!

I doubt the kids mom knows he has this on his phone. I only met her when she dropped off and picked up Jason for the sleep over. Then again, she may know. I don't know how she rears her children. All I do know is that she appeared to be a young mom, though I don't know how young, and is not with his dad. I am definitely not knocking young mothers being that I am 30 with a 12 year old. Nor am I knocking the fact that his parents aren't together. Things happen. Plus, it's not my place to judge anyone.

I am concerned of my son's relationship with this kid, though.

I am also a little concerned about what else this boy is exposed to.

I immediately deleted the message in order the keep Raiden from seeing it and went straight to Sean to tell him.

Am I over reacting if I tell Raiden that I don't want him talking to Jason anymore?

I will tell you that the first thing I thought was how relieved I am to know that Raiden will not be going to public school next year. In fact, I am about to print off the paper that I send to the school to let them know.

I want to protect my children and keep them innocent as long as possible. 

*not their real names! duh!


Megan M. said...

Oh my goodness.
Amy, I think you have to tell this boy's mom. It's going to be awkward, and uncomfortable, but think about it like this: if your son was sending the messages, as opposed to receiving them, you'd want to know that. She may already be aware, in which case, yes, you should sever that relationship now. She may not, though, and perhaps with some new ground rules, Raiden can push this young man down a better path. I'd have the texting with this child stop immediately, any communication is voice, and in a "public" room - kitchen, family room, etc, not in a bedroom with a door closed or something. Not to "spy" per se, but to be able to monitor the conversation somewhat.

Yikes. Alternatively, you can just run, screaming, in the opposite direction from this kid. Just Yikes.

This Daddy said...

Man, I am torn, hell yeah tell the kids mom, although if he can get access to this stuff, she may not care. Sad. I dont know if making him stop hanging with Jason would do any good. I D K. Im glad my oldest is 6 after reading this. Being the ass that I am I would have broke the phone and kicked the door down. Man, you have a tough one to handle