Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Liar

Okay, so I lied.

I have told myself that I am happy when I am oh so obviously not happy. I actually feel as though I am falling apart inside. Medication can't keep the negative thought from entering my head. It can't keep the 'what-ifs' away.

I don't feel that I am a difficult person. I don't ask for a lot. I know that I am unable to make my husband happy right now, though. I think he has basically given up on our marriage. He is just waiting for me to leave. I have tried to work on myself but it doesn't seem to be enough. I want my relationship with God to be first and foremost. I need that. Sean on the other hand seems to push God away more and more.

Neither of us are being good examples to our children either. I think they see that, too. It makes me sad.

We are in a bad place right now. I am going to try to hold it together, though. I am going to pray. I am going to trust in God and seek his guidance. I have to make my marriage work. I know this is His will.
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2 comments:

This Daddy said...

You guys will be alright. First you need to stop taking whatever shit you are taking, that doesnt help and it harms more. I used to take shit and I wasnt happy until I stopped doing everything. Both of you work on both of you, and you will BOTH be fine. Keep trying and dont give in

Susan Evans said...

I'm praying for you, Amy. May peace descend upon your marriage, and may God transform it into something sweet. My heart aches for you.